Mourning

For the next several weeks I was in a fog. I spent hours just laying on my bed and crying. I could not control the tears. The sadness was incapacitating. I could not find any way to move past my sorrow. I realized I was in mourning. I mourned for my precious child, who had changed his life forever. I mourned for what would never be. I mourned because Rick would not be married in the temple for eternity. I mourned for the children he would never have. I mourned because of my beliefs and how they took Rick so far away from us. 

We always tried to have our home provide a sacred place and a refuge for our children. I was enraged that Satan walked right through my door and took Ricky away from us. With great sadness, I did not feel my home was a hallowed refuge any longer. It became very difficult for me to pray in my home. The cloud of darkness was so consuming that I could no longer see clearly.