What Now?

After he got up, I went into my bedroom and all the emotions just hit. My tears became giant uncontrollable hysterical sobs. I could hardly breathe. My heart hurt. Every fiber of my being was suffering from the most intense and agonizing physical pain. I never expected that heartbreak could cause so much physical pain. For the first time in my life, I understood what dying from a broken heart might feel like.

I felt as though I just lost my child. Lost from an eternal perspective. Lost because of my faith. My testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is undeniable and is the very foundation of my life and the anchor upon which all my choices are predicated. I can't envision making a choice, including homosexuality, that would be contrary to what I believe is the way to return to God. Currently, my son's choice might preclude him from being a part of our eternal family. That realization is why his choice was so devastating to me, knowing that in the eternities he might not be with us. 

My whole life crashed down on me that day and I was devastated. I prayed to my father in heaven to  make all this go away. I just couldn't understand why he would say this. Did he understand the implications of his choice? The sadness was overwhelming. I had put my heart and soul into being a mom and I believed it would make a difference. Nothing I had done as a mom seemed to matter.