We had been having some struggles with one of our sons who was seventeen at the time had been out all night and this wasn't the first time. He wasn't keeping curfew and had stopped respecting the rules of our home. He was our fifth child and we weren't going to allow him to continue with his behavior. I approached him the next day and his was response was that he had something to tell me. This was something he had wanted to tell me for several years but he knew how badly it would hurt me so he had waited. Dread filled my soul and I wanted to stop this conversation but it was too late. I feared I knew exactly what he wanted to tell me but I prayed I was wrong. He snuggled up to me and grabbed my hand. Then my precious son told me was gay. He told me he knew he was different from the time he was a little boy. He was so young! I felt my heart break right then and there.

I needed to push rewind! Where was that button I could push for rewind? I just needed this to stop, right now! I wanted to start all over. He came home way past curfew but maybe I could ignore it, just this once.

The tears started to flow and he just wanted reassurance of my love. Of course I loved him! Nothing would ever change that. I begged him to take it back, but he couldn't. Knowing how much he loved me and had waiting so long to tell me, I believe if he felt he could unspeak those words he would have to stop my pain.

He was very concerned about me and wanted to know if I would be okay. After that, neither one of us spoke much, there didn't seem to be anything to say. He sat there snuggling with me, needing some physical affection to be reassured. He tried to console me. Basically we both wanted things to be different. I really wanted to go backwards and he desperately wanted unconditional love and understanding for something he was dealing with. I didn't know what the future would hold but I did know I loved my child.