Rationalizing

I told myself that there were lots of little boys that didn't want to play sports. I even remembered my little brother being upset when his Sunday shoes weren't as pretty as his sisters'. When Rick was distraught over not getting the pretty shoes or not being able to wear Aubrey's dress to church, I convinced myself it was normal.

In later years I would watch our old family videos and notice how effeminate Rick was, even as a small boy. Just the way he would walk and talk and move. There is no doubt in my mind that he was different from the very beginning. But did this mean he was 'born' gay?

He Was Different

Ricky was different, even as a young child. I remember noticing little things. He didn't enjoy the typical things my other boys would. He didn't want to play with balls, he wanted to play with dolls; he didn't want to play with trucks, he wanted to play house. John thought it was foolishness and we should tell him he couldn't have dolls or he couldn't play house. I really didn't want to make a big deal about these things. I didn't want him to feel like there was something wrong with him.

There were times he would become almost hysterical if I wouldn't let him wear one of Aubrey's dresses or her 'pretty shoes'. If we went to the store to pick out a toy or if he was making a list for birthdays or for Santa, all he wanted were Barbies, baby dolls and all the accessories. I usually relented and let him buy what he wanted however, this was always followed with dread because I knew John would be upset and we would have another discussion. He didn't agree with this at all. We had a lot of disagreements over these issues.