When
Rick turned sixteen, he started working at a fast food sandwich
place. He came home one day and told me about a boy with whom he
worked. His parents had kicked him out of his home because he told
them he was gay. Rick then asked me what I would do if he came home
one day and told me he was gay. My heart dropped, I wasn't ready for
this! How would I handle it? I told him that it would break my heart;
however, it would never affect my love for him. He would also always
have a home as long as he kept the standards we tried to have in our
home. He didn't say anything else, but it was just one more little
thing that I hoped wasn't adding up. It made me sick to think that he
was putting out feelers to see if he would still have a home to come
home to. I know that must have been scary for him.
My Six Gay Sons
Since our last name is Gay, our six sons are "Gay" sons. One of them is also homosexual. This blog follows my fears and tears and lessons learned. I realize this is an emotional topic, but I can only approach it from my perspective which is greatly influenced by my faith. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons). Even if you completely disagree with some of the ways I see and interpret things, I believe the topics are germane to any discussion on homosexuality.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Ricky & Mike
It
felt good to spend time with Rick and at this point it seemed that he
and Mike would be together for a while, so I wanted to get to know
him as well. As
strange as it sounds, I was grateful that he was in a monogamous
relationship. So many things I read suggested that many in this
lifestyle could have hundreds of sexual partners. This was something
that panicked me and I felt that this was one of the ways sexually
transmitted diseases as well as AIDS could spread so quickly.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Ridicule
During
this period, Rick seemed to want to advertise his life-style choice
by wearing makeup and styling his hair in less than traditional
fashion. At one point, I took Rick and Mike, his partner, to lunch to a local
restaurant. We live in a very conservative area but I was shocked at
the number of people who would point, laugh or whisper to their
friends or co-workers. A waiter obviously went to the back of the
restaurant and filled in his fellow workers because several at a time
came out to take a peek at our table. I could understand why people
stopped and looked. After all, Rick and Mike were going out of their
way to call attention to themselves. However, I
didn't understand why other people would point fingers, laugh and
mock them. This intensified
my hurt because it was one of my greatest fears was that Rick would
become the victim of a hate crime and get beat up or killed.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Ricky Has a Partner
We
learned that he had a partner, Mike, and he was now fully entrenched
in this other world and seemed farther away from us than ever. For
many months, we would only see Rick occasionally. He would show up to
do laundry or to 'grocery shop' in our cupboards. I was happy just to
see him from time to time and to
know he still felt like he could come home if only for short periods.
It was also good to know that he was still safe and alive because I
worried about his “living” conditions.
Shortly after moving in together, they experienced a terrifying
incident. Someone kicked their apartment door in and sliced the tires
on their car! These were the very things that I was afraid of.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Living in Squalor and Using Drugs
Besides
living on the streets in squalor,
it appeared to us that he was drinking and his erratic behavior
caused us to believe he was using drugs. What drugs, I didn't know,
but he wasn't himself. We received an anonymous letter from someone
who said they were extremely worried about Rick. They knew he was
using drugs, probably meth. They went on to explain some of the
devastating effects and side effects of using this drug. This was a
tender mercy in my life. Not being told my son was using meth, but
because this person had gone out of their way to write to me, this
reminded me that my Heavenly Father was aware of my sorrows and
through others was trying to let me know of His love. I also felt
Heavenly Father's love for Rick, despite of Rick's choices, his
Father in Heaven loved him and was concerned about him as well.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Rock Bottom
After several months had passed,
he just showed up one day to do his laundry. It felt so good just to
see him and know he was alive. He told us he was living in a car on
the streets of a nearby city in the middle of the winter. This was a
total shock for me. He said that he was going for days without a
shower or a meal. I would have considered this absolutely 'rock
bottom' for him, he was living in a car! The therapist mentioned that if this was a faze
it may take Rick hitting 'rock bottom' for him to change and we
didn't think he could go much lower. This was my child that was
obsessive about his appearance. He always took several showers or baths a day. He also needed to have
nice things that were the most expensive as well as the best brands
of clothing. I just didn't understand. If this didn't bring him home,
what would? We realized that he was fully entrenched in this new
lifestyle. This wasn't
going to be a passing fad. He wasn't coming back soon. He might not
come back at all.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Ricky Walks Out
Watching a child walk out the door
with no assurances about the future was devastating! I wanted to grab
him in my arms and never let go. I thought when it came down to it,
he would stay. I didn't think he was ready to be on his own. I think
the only way I was able to do this was remembering we had three
younger sons that deserved to live in a home without these
influences. We knew that if we had standards in our home then we also
had to enforce them. I knew what we were doing was right but when
Rick left, a part of me died that day.
We heard nothing as the days
turned into weeks and the weeks dragged into months. I knew he was
hurt and very angry at us. I prayed constantly for him to feel of our
love for him and Heavenly Father's love for him. I hoped that he
would find a way to stay in touch. We wished for any word from him
that he was okay. We didn't even know if he stayed local or had left
the state.
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